We all encountered numerous men or women in our lives that I like to call « The Charmer« . They fill a void, tell you what you want and need to hear at the time. They make themselves available and useful. They also make sure that they leave you smiling and laughing. They become a habit. like I mentioned they are there to fill a void in our lives
For a long time, I thought S was a friend. Turns out he’s just a charmer, a temporary filler. I never in a millions years thought I would go on a date with him. Yes, I always thought he was charming, tall, handsome with a killer smile and sexy lips.. but I always thought of him as a friend. My late night, insomniac buddy that I could communicate with at almost any time of the day. He always had the perfect way to distract me, make me smile and laugh.
He also knew how to stimulate my brain which is very important to me and on the other side he knew how to make me stop over thinking like I tend to do with my anxious nature. That is what a Charmer does best. He makes you emotionally dependent on him. Like I said to me, he was my charming buddy with whom I had very opened, honest conversations. I was involved and my relationship was falling apart. That in itself made me vulnerable and in need of attention.
A Charmer becomes extra dependable at times like this. I went on the date and he swept me off my feet. A charmer like challenges. After that moment, I was not a challenge anymore. He had me emotionally where he wanted. This is when I had to come back to earth. Since he’s not the first charmer I came across, I saw the signs a long time ago but yet still manage to fall temporarily under the spell.
Yes, I miss his smile, his lips but most of all I miss the presence, the habits. All day every day the random communications, the inside jokes on twitter. He filled a void. Now I need another way to fill that void. We tend to make the mistake of thinking we miss the person when it is rather the habit and the rituals that we actually miss.
I recently had a long talk with him about the turn of events. I thought we were on the same page. The charmer that he is, was on Skype, shirtless talking to me. Perfect set up isn’t it to sweet talk me into understanding and accepting the situation. I called him out on it and he smiled. Turns out, I was wrong, we are not on the same page and I need to fill the void else where. A Charmer tends to put their needs and feelings above yours always and or will simply ignore yours and sometimes not intentionally. He knows you trust him and takes you for granted. A Charmer will say the things we need to hear and when you need it the most. So I insist, we become dependent.
A Charmer is not not necessarily a player. He just lacks of a little emotional maturity. Often enough, in time he finds the right balance. In the meanwhile, be aware. Try to make the difference between a friend or lover and a temporary filler/charmer.
As far as S is concerned, he’s in Haiti, and I had just ended a difficult relationship, therefore I was not in a rush to start anything with him. Part of me is glad we only shared a kiss. I’m not even upset that he has a girlfriend now. I only wish he had more consideration for what I thought was a friendship. I realize now what I hope you all realize that at times we need to be our own fillers. We need to find ways to fill the void ourselves to make us less vulnerable to the Charmer kind.
S might come back knocking to my door. He knows already that it is always open. I do miss my Charmer.